What Disney movies are REALLY saying

Where was this version of Disney when I was growing up? Learning this would have definitely made life a whole lot easier!

Why was it hidden from me and instead I internalised some psychologically seriously harmful stories:

1) Aladdin the charming and exotic globetrotter/tourguide? - check!

2) Sleeping Beauty the deluded visionary, who is completely happy with falling in love once upon a dream and when she actually meets the Prince she runs away -check! (But worry not my friend, he runs after her! - not checked).

3) Snow White, the slightly obsessive character who falls in love at first sight with the prince and then never sees him again, but keeps obsessing that he is THE one - check! (She is right of course, as he manages to save her life and marry her in one go - not checked).

The Appendix on TEXT MESSAGES

I said I would add an appendix on text messages to Facebook and The Art of Seduction, so here goes. Maybe Appendix is an overstatement.

Thanks to the Banker with the Bicipitiello and the Friend Who Likes Everything That Breathes (Especially My Close Friends), and a few other generous contributors, recently I've had the chance to extensively practice my texting skills. Now I know that:

1) I need a new phone, ideally one that picks up in what language I am writing, so that I can use that hi-tech T9 thing, and spend less than half an hour composing a text.

2) I find the text style 'R u goin2c him l8r?' just too classy. Who can resist a man who writes like that?

3) I am worried. 2007 brought me Phone Therapy Man. He wanted to talk to me on the phone for hours every day, and never hang out. 2009 brought me The Emailer. He sent me an average of 7 emails a day and refused to go for a coffee. 2010 is bringing me Text Message Man! Even the amount of technological long-distance communication they want is decreasing! What next?

All in all, I get great joy from the deep and insightful texts I receive daily. Here are my two favorite texts of today:

#2. From the Banker with the Bicipitiello: Hi. How are you. I've been working really long hours. I'm working all the time. How's your job? I didn't think I'd work such long hours.. [Who'd have guessed bankers work long hours!?]. My response: Oh, the banker's life! :P etc etc. This unfortunately doesn't put him off from texting back.. again.. and again.. but never suggesting meeting. I might have to write the Good Friend With Benefits manual for him.

#1 (and one of my all-time favourites). From the Friend Who Likes Everything That Breathes (Especially My Close Friends): I have post partum depression! I respond asking what he gave birth to, hoping to a genius idea. Unfortunately that's not the case: he wants to see my friend, but doesn't think she's interested. I don't respond. I might have to write the Good Friend manual for him.

Maybe my phone will just accidentally fall in the toilet tomorrow morning!

Alanis's LIST

Fridays afternoons at work are not my thing.

Apparently Alanis likes making lists too :) I couldn't have said it better..

Read

21 Things I Want in a Lover Lyrics

here.

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
Are you funny?
A la self-deprecating?
Like adventure?
And have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed?
More than three times a week?
Up for being experimental?
Are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
Are you not addicted?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer


Curious and communicative...

The cynical post

Someone please enlighten me on what a modern day princess is supposed to do. The modern day princess is entirely prince-less, because she's too cool (which is another way of saying that the modern day princes are too uncool). 

So the modern day princess has two very appealing options: 

1) to wait for the olden day prince to appear on his white horse, and in the process grow old;

2) to make do with uncool modern day princes, and in the process lose hope.

If she picks option 1 she will obtain the honorary title of tease, while if she picks option 2, she will be called easy. Personally, I find both titles so flattering I really can't make up my mind as to which one I prefer.

But the good news is that she doesn't really need to make up her mind, as both options have the same outcome: a systematic and exponential increase in the princess' cynicism.

The Do NOT List

I know this much: I did find someone fitting my Peruvian List and I did find someone fitting my London List. It is possible that, as amazing as my lists were, they may not have been fully comprehensive. While the Updated List is still The List, I think adding some experience-based not-to-dos might help. Attractive as the following behaviours are, they may just not be my thing:

- Texting the afternoon of the night we're supposed to meet suggesting canceling and meeting the following day to watch football may not seduce me entirely. Maybe if you suggested watching skiing..

- Informing me you really like me but monogamy is just not your thing is original, but nor my cup of tea.

- I equate a dinner date to a major threat. Can we not do that until we're married and then you'll just have to deal with my inability to find my mouth with my fork? 

- If you spend more time in the gym than with friends don't tell me.

- If you are more concerned about your looks that I am - it's great we've reached such gender equality, but really.. no, thanks.

- I'm totally happy with you being a ruthless banker/consultant. I don't know what to make of you telling me how amazing my job is and that you'll be calling my company to get a job because you can offer x y and z. Stick to making money, really, it's ok.

- Don't comb your hair back. Just don't.

- Don't smoke. It's almost as bad as combing your hair back.

- I don't care about your exes (even though I would like it if there were less that 73) and I can assure you you don't care about mine.

- Lame text messages are lame. Games are lamer. 

- Lack of responsiveness/falling off the face of the Earth make me go: of course. Next, please.

- Don't talk to me if you're about to move to the other side of the world. Or even better: don't move to the other side of the world.

- No need to hold my hand when you're talking to me: I understand English. Or Italian, as this seems to be more of an issue. Happy to learn other languages, if that helps.
- And, ideally, in a hypothetical fantasy world, you would not fall off the flat face of the Earth.

Case study: The Banker with the Bicipitiello

I haven't posted anything in a while because I've been very busy with a new type of study, the process of which, I am pleased to announce, was not particularly challenging but the result of which is somewhat interesting!
I've been upholding the criteria of my new London List (must be hot and must be rich). After finding an interesting case study it has taken me over 5 weeks to come to the following  conclusions:
 

1) Beware of the bicipitiello (and of anyone who admits going to the gym every day but having been to one museum in London)

2) Beware of the banker. Yes I did enjoy having all but one of my (not few) drinks, plus entrance to the pub paid for (even tough I suspect family money plays a bigger part than banking in this one). What I did not enjoy was our first date being cancelled because of work and not rescheduled for 10 days.

3) If you think hearing: "I'm not willing to commit to anything serious at the moment" and "How are gender relations and family roles in your country and in your family? And what do you expect?" in the same half hour is weird - it is weird. Both topics are best avoided.

4) Tell me stories that make me laugh on our first date, don't freak me out talking about past relationships and future expectations.

5) Fishing to make me say I really like you on day 1 will at best get me to say something really sweet like: "I have lots of friends in London, I wouldn't spend my Friday night with you if I didn't want to".

6) If you haven't travelled in Europe (especially if you're not from Europe)  during your many years in the UK "because you have no one to travel with", please don't tell me. Make up that you're scared of planes, I'll find it less lame (probably because I am too - but obviously not enough!)

7) Don't tell me you want to see me again if you don't, and if you do please don't suggest a dinner date: I eat like a 2-year-old and find the idea about as appealing as sitting on needles all night.

CONCLUSION: The London List apparently doesn't work. I might want to consider making a list of things I don't want.