Case study: The Banker with the Bicipitiello

I haven't posted anything in a while because I've been very busy with a new type of study, the process of which, I am pleased to announce, was not particularly challenging but the result of which is somewhat interesting!
I've been upholding the criteria of my new London List (must be hot and must be rich). After finding an interesting case study it has taken me over 5 weeks to come to the following  conclusions:
 

1) Beware of the bicipitiello (and of anyone who admits going to the gym every day but having been to one museum in London)

2) Beware of the banker. Yes I did enjoy having all but one of my (not few) drinks, plus entrance to the pub paid for (even tough I suspect family money plays a bigger part than banking in this one). What I did not enjoy was our first date being cancelled because of work and not rescheduled for 10 days.

3) If you think hearing: "I'm not willing to commit to anything serious at the moment" and "How are gender relations and family roles in your country and in your family? And what do you expect?" in the same half hour is weird - it is weird. Both topics are best avoided.

4) Tell me stories that make me laugh on our first date, don't freak me out talking about past relationships and future expectations.

5) Fishing to make me say I really like you on day 1 will at best get me to say something really sweet like: "I have lots of friends in London, I wouldn't spend my Friday night with you if I didn't want to".

6) If you haven't travelled in Europe (especially if you're not from Europe)  during your many years in the UK "because you have no one to travel with", please don't tell me. Make up that you're scared of planes, I'll find it less lame (probably because I am too - but obviously not enough!)

7) Don't tell me you want to see me again if you don't, and if you do please don't suggest a dinner date: I eat like a 2-year-old and find the idea about as appealing as sitting on needles all night.

CONCLUSION: The London List apparently doesn't work. I might want to consider making a list of things I don't want.

Facebook and the art of seduction - Chapter 2

A few more tips I've picked up along the way thanks to extensive research among a representative sample of the population of London:

- Interest in people with names like Joe Brown is not advisable, as you are likely to add and contact 7 or 8 people by mistake, before finding your guy. Pick a guy with a weird Eastern European name: you will have no clue how to pronounce his last name, but at least when you search him you will find him.

- The fact that you've exchanged about 30 messages in 3 days probably should make you happy, rather than prompt you to contact him via chat informing him that "messages are fine but that was getting a bit out of control".

- Every girl in a picture with him is probably not his ex. She's probably also not his current girlfriend.

- If he is all over every girl in every picture (and you have real life evidence that he is all over every girl in every instance) - drop it. 

- It is not advisable to go through all of his pictures searching for indications that he is gay.

- It is definitely not advisable to go through all of his pictures assessing his sisters' and parents' physical fitness and determine the outcome of your possible relationship based on that.

Dilemma

 
I am totally put off by guys who are obsessive about working out and really into their accurately sculpted muscles.. but I have to admit I'm not equally put off by the outcome of the working out and the accurately sculpted muscles. 

So the question is: to snob him as a muscle head, or to give him a chance and see if there's something more to him than his not-entirely-ugly bicipitiello?

The LONDON List

Good thing I haven't lost my ability to adapt to my environment.

Here's the new and improved LondonList:

1) Must be hot

2) Must be rich

(In that order)

Love DIVERSITY

One of the best things about living in London is its diversity; particularly the wide range of sociological samples it provides. Here’s a few of the urban specimen that I’ve had the good fortune to come across (the most interesting cases successfully fit into up to 5 typologies):

- The PHONE THERAPY man. He calls every day, at least once a day. Ideally after 10pm, generally closer to midnight. We talk for hours and if he is in a bad mood he feels free to hang up on me or yell at me – he thinks I’m his (free) therapist. Phone companies love us, as we each give them about £10 a day. We occasionally even see each other in person.
- The FLEXIBLE type. He likes me, he likes my friend. Women are beautiful, why be picky?

- The EMAILER. He starts every morning between 9 and 10am and carries on all day long. He writes about how sensitive he is, only to answer “you’re talking shit” when I suggest getting coffee. I must be crazy to suggest an interaction outside of cyberspace!
- The INTERCONTINENTAL CYBER-FLIRT. He’s in Canada, I’m in South America, any better ways to spend our evenings?

- The ITALY-OBSESSED type. He takes interest in me under the deluded impression that I am a good example of Italian woman. Typically he expects me to teach him Italian or asks me to marry him for my Italian passport.
- The MACHO. He doesn’t hide the fact he has a girlfriend, because honestly – how could a man like him have only one girl at a time?

- The CAN’T-KEEP-HIS-HANDS-OFF-ME type. He plays with my hair and holds my hand every time he talks to me. He even repeatedly suggests we hang out. He’s interested? Oh no, you naïve little thing! His behaviour is firmly grounded in the belief that I don’t understand verbal communication.

- The ALCOHOLIC. Girl or beer? Is that even a question?

- The VANISHING ACT, also known as the faller-off the flat face of the Earth. There are so many of them and one thing they don’t lack is originality: they all have different tricks. The standard format requires the vague planning of a coffee/drink meeting and its non-confirmation. I think I’m making progress though, because recently the Act took a new form: the postponing of a precisely planned meeting to an undefined time in the future, followed by the Vanishing Act.

- The GLOBETROTTER. He’s worldly, he’s cool.. he’s moved to a different continent.

- The GAY guy. A man can change his mind!

Blame it on Disney

Like any respectable modern day Princess (even though I consider myself much too proactive to be a proper princess), I blame Disney for my supposedly unrealistic expectations about love. Of course I believe my expectations to be perfectly fair: I'm not saying I will sleep for 100 years and only bother to get up when Prince Charming appears. Nor am I saying that I'll sit at home scrubbing the floor till my Fairy Godmother produces me a Ferrari+handsome driver to go to Posh London Club and meet Bankerofmydreams, only to forget my Prada shoe and have him search for me all over the Kingdom. But honestly, why should I not meet Aladdin who will show me the world on his private jet? I entirely fail to see what is unrealistic about that. 

What is most interesting is my recent discovery that Disney stories aren't all about proactive men fighting dragons and wicked witches to reach their beloved woman and declare their undying love. There are also a few clueless guys, who can't get their act together and need the help of a crab and seagull.. I wonder why this most important lesson escaped me at the time when my expectations were being shaped!

The PERUVIAN list

Cultural adaptation is essential to survive in different environments. This of course includes changing behaviours and expectations to match the reality that surrounds us.
When living in the Peruvian Andes I quickly noticed that I was unlikely to find someone meeting my detailed 84 point Original List and made some minor changes to increase my chances of finding someone meeting the criteria.

My comprehensive list went:

1) Must be taller than me

2) Must have all his (front) teeth - I was ok not finding out about the rest of them