Friends with benefits

So he's been hitting on you, flirting with you, paying for everything for you from dinners to taxis to drinks, making indecent proposals when drunk (and occasionally when sober), texting you at every hour of the day and night, calling you withing 20 seconds of every time you text him, occasionally saying and doing things that are so nice they leave you speechless - for ONE YEAR? 

And did everyone around you think he was really into you? 

And did you in your deluded state also entertain that idea after he told you he wanted to spend the evening alone with you, and then when standing outside your door said he would like to kiss you? 

Well, my friend, you are obviously from a different planet. On planet Earth all the above mentioned behaviors means he would like to offer you the privilege and honor of being his friend with benefits. And that's really a though one to turn down! (Don't know how I managed!)

Timing

As long as you get yourself in enough trouble, terrible timing will then seem absolutely convenient. Pond crossing, off to some serious listmaking, pancake & cupcake eating, Flor de Cana drinking, and soul-mate loving :)
Then we'll see.

Same continent is overrated

After one guy moving to Asia (Dubai), one living in Africa (Malawi), there's one now who has moved to America (NYC)! He seems to like it better.. Well, OF COURSE! But he would just LOVE to see me if ONLY he was in my SAME continent! 

I thank him though for getting me further acquainted with the international up & coming urban slang! He'll 'take a rain check' next time he's in town. What EXACTLY does THAT mean? It's  apparently the Newcool way to say 'I'll return the invitation'. Next. Time. The world is small.

In Italian there is a wise saying that goes "There's no 2 without 3"!

Italy vs Brazil

Setting: Brazilian dance club

Everyone is dancing and my friend and I are socializing intimately with our mojitos. 

Suddenly I see a flash of light in my friend's eyes and then she explains: "We Italian women are so good at moving our hands when we speak.. you can't expect us to be able to move our hips too! Brazilian women dream of gesturing the way we do!"

Pick up lines

As my friend D. and I walk by a pub, guy standing in front of the pub: "Are you girls American?"

Me/D.: "No/yes"

Guy: "Where are you from?"

Me/D.:".../Texas"

Guy: "Oh Texas! I am thinking of going to the States this summer, do you have any advice on where to go?"
Me: "That's the BEST pick up line I've heard in my entire life!"

D.:"California... San Francisco"

Guy: "Oh yeah I've been there"

Me: "Iowa is amazing!"

I know I'm a lovely person.

Globe trotting overachievers

It's like profiling a criminal, the interesting man always has at least 8/10 of the following:

1) speaks 4 languages minimum
2) takes 15 minutes minimum to answer the question 'where are you from?'
3) has traveled all over the world and intends to continue this nomadic lifestyle
4) is a complete overachiever with at least a master's degree from an Ivy League school or equivalent
5) has lived in at least 5 different countries
7) has started at least 3 businesses and/or NGOs
8) is out to see the world, save the world and make money all at the same time and before turning 35
9) his religion should be a good enough reason to think this is a bad idea
10) he lives somewhere else

.. and always has both of the following:
1) is too into his career
2) want a relationship (right now)

They're just so fascinating, these globe-trotting overachievers!

Award Nominations

And the Global Man With No Balls Award goes to the one who not only isn't able to ask a girl out, he isn't even able to say no when she asks him out! (and classically falls off the flat face of the Earth*). 









*only to inconveniently reappear a few hours later at a dinner party